Cheesus 2020 – Don’t you want me baby?

Tier 4! Goddamn it – totally screwed with Cheesus this year.

Face Space Save Lives Rule of Six Cheese

This is to cheer you up when you can’t eat cheese with your mates.

Don’t you want me baby (bel)? from Cheesus

And the lyrics …..

You were sat there on your lonesome on a shelf in the shop
When I saw you
I bought you and unwrapped you and chopped you all up
Stuck you on some bread to chew
I been doing the same for many a year
And melting is so easy for you
But I’m the one who always takes you out of the fridge
And I can put you back now too!

Don’t – don’t you tease me
Eating you is easy
‘Cause you’re lovely and you’re cheesy

Don’t – don’t you tease me
You tempt me and you please me
But your smell makes me all queasy

It’s much too late to find
That you’re all wrapped up in rind
You’d better get unwrapped or we will both be sorry

Don’t you want me, baby (bel)?
Don’t you want me, ohh?
Don’t you want me, baby (bel)?
Don’t you want me, ohh?

The Big Cheese’s Prayer

We couldn’t possibly celebrate the birth of Baby Cheesus without a prayer to the hallowed cheese.

Our Cheesus, who art in Waitrose,
hallowed be thy Name,
thy rennet come,
thy will be done,
In Amersham as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily biscuits.
And forgive us our coagulation,
as we forgive those
who lactose against us

And lead us not into the heartburn,
but deliver us from gout

For thine is the kingdom, the curds, and the whey,
for ever and ever. Amen.

James 12:2017
A cheesy table

Cheesus #1 – The Inaugural Celebration of Cheese

On 30 December 2016 we gathered to get together after Christmas and eat the cheesy leftovers and drink the boozy leftovers. We had a right old knees up and through a series of nonsense chats, CHEESUS was born, and the birth of the baby cheesus was rightly celebrated.

“Blessed are the Cheesemakers”
– Chris Pendsé (Cheesus the first)

As is the tradition, Cheesus the first nominated his successor for a year. In the mean time it was the duty of the reverend Pendsé to promote the consumption and worship of cheese for 2017.